Why most people REALLY hate exercising

I’ve recently been trying to devote more time to the blog. And also to myself – staying fit, eating smarter, yada yada all those things the hippie kids do nowadays. So I’m blessed (more often that not) to overhear some ridiculous conversations at fitness areas – gyms, swimming pools, jogging tracks.

*overheard at the gym*
Guy 1: I have to leave early today, re. Independence Day par beti ka parade karaayenge aur tale hue samose khilaayenge. Aaj exercise ka kya faayda? (translation: They will will parade my daughter around (quite literally) on Independence Day (which ruined a statutory holiday by inconveniently presenting itself on a Saturday) and serve us fried samosas (that’s like potato dumplings. Or something. Google it.) So what’s the point in exercising today?)
Guy 2: Haan yaar. Waise yeh Monday aata toh kitna accha hota na…? (translation: Totally! Wouldn’t it be like even more awesome if this happened to Monday?)

I managed another 20 minutes before realising I was a. pi**ed at Guy 1’s non-patriotic approach and b. pi**ed at how right Guy 2 was and how darn depressed I was because of it. Shame. On. Them.

*overheard at the swimming pool*
Lady 1 (on the sidelines, lounging): Did you hear about Gupta Ji’s daughter Anita? She nearly drowned at this pool last weekend. Hum toh apni beti ko yahaan nahi laayenge… (translation: I will not bring my daughter here. (Actually her intonation and hand-waving was so authentically Punjabi I cannot use words to describe them. I’ll let you use your imagination))
Lady 2 (also on the sidelines, lounging): Kaise hua? Yahan coaches nahin hote kya? (translation: How did that happen? Don’t they have coaches here? (having someone confuses lifeguards with swimming trainers is totally believable. Innit?))
Lady 1 (now slightly agitated and pointing at the pool): Arre woh safety wire mein atak gaye na uska pair…  kahan tairti bechaari… (translation: Her feet got caught in the safety wire; where was she supposed to swim after that (it wasn’t a wire; the guys running the pool aren’t that dumb. It was the safety rope)

I obviously guffawed immediately and coughed up a lungful of chlorinated water.

*overheard at the jogging track*
Guy 1: So I read on the internet that it’s recommended to change your running shoes every 6 months or so (FYI it could be much shorter if you’re a heavy runner and a little longer if you just dabble in running like I do)
Guy 2: Really? That would make running really expensive. These Nikes don’t come cheap you know (in India it is not uncommon to regularly reference brand names in meaningless conversations. Some people think its stylish. FYI Guy 2’s shoes read “Nikke” and Guy 1’s read Action. Mine were Reebok (see how I snuck that in…?). Not one of them a Nike. I’m just saying.)
Guy 3: Toh isme kya hai. Buy 2 shoes. 6 mahine ek joota use karo and phir use 6 mahine andar rakhwaado – doosra joota hai na. (translation: So what’s there in this (I can’t find an exactly English transliteration of this phrase. Google – you need to step up yo…). Buy 2 shoes – use one for 6 months and then keep it inside – you have the other shoe right. 

Thank god I wasn’t on a treadmill when this conversation took place. Because I emergency stopped myself at that comment. Because he was (technically) correct. And I wondered why that genius idea did not strike me.

And so I summarise reason why people hate exercising:

  1. Because it’s a holiday. Or a national holiday. Or a state holiday. And because all holidays mean unhealthy fried food. Fried food equals annihilation of exercise plan.
  2. Because safety devices are darn unsafe. Helmets can cause excessive sweating, which could cause blurred vision while riding a bike; a concussion may not be as vision un-enhancing. Elbow and knee pads will require that your hands and legs stick out at unhealthy angles when cycling causing you to look an oaf; having a vehicle ram into you may be a lot more stylish. Removing headphones while running on the road will cause to “miss the pimping beat” and potentially damage your Nikkes; having a car ram into you will probably save your shoes. (I can go on – but I think you get the point yes?)
  3. Because exercising is expensive. Running (or walking) on roads worth a few hundred crores built by governments that require you to invest a few thousand bucks on new shoes every couple of months is very expensive; the few thousand bucks you spent on noise-cancelling headphones is not. Signing up for a neighbourhood pool apparently costs more than the stylish sunglasses and waterproof watch you own. Smart takes the elevator up 3 floors – stupid burns precious energy and time on the stairs.

I didn’t intend to make this post sound so preachy, but it’s turned out that way and I’m going to live with it. So this Independence Day, I can only hope that we all devote a few minutes everyday to keep ourselves in better shape. Because spending (whatever little you may need to) to keep yourself in shape makes more sense that 1000 buck sunglasses that were on sale on Flipkart – because you aren’t spending, you are investing in your future.

Happy Independence Day!

P.S. I was so focussed on staying fit this Independence weekend that I drafted this post and forgot all about it till Monday. So happy belated Independence Day!!


10 thoughts on “Why most people REALLY hate exercising”

    1. Ok…just told wifey about my stupid remark on your post, and she asked me to return and apologise. I’ve just been lectured on why nerds shouldn’t blog and how they can’t do the simplest things right. My attempt at rhyming just fell flat and I made it all so much more worse. I hurt you and I am sorry for it. And thanks for letting it pass. I love your sense of humor and hope we will continue to be friends.

      1. Are you at the right blog? Cuz I looked and I couldn’t find your attempt to rhyme. Or to hurt me.

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