3 things my city police does so well that I sometimes faint


… from laughing out loud.

As I walk/ride around this gem of a city called Mumbai, I am often treated to sights that… frankly have me on the floor rolling in laughter. Not surprisingly, many of them are courtesy of our super vigilant police force. Don’t get me wrong – I completely respect the effort the force puts in to keep our city safe every now and again… But I think sometimes they take a break and leave us in peels of laughter.
These are 3 things I’ve seen around the city that baffle me to the point of stomach cramps

1. Incorrectly placed signage

image

(If you can’t read/understand Marathi, here’s the translation:
Mumbai Police
Matunga Police Station (pertains to the locality where I nabbed this image)
Stop.)

Exhibit A is this beautifully constructed and exquisitely painted sign asking a vehicle to stop. Problem is… it is placed right behind an electricity junction box so that the only person who sees it is an unsuspecting pedestrian who maintains a ridiculous blog.
I took the cops seriously and stopped.
😀

2. Incorrectly positioned checkpoints
There is a faux checkpoint (because it is temporary construction and not cemented/bolted down) not far from where I work that I am forced to navigate every day. What makes this the most incorrectly placed checkpoint in the history of checkpoints (other than Checkpoint Charlie) is
a. It seems to serve no purpose since the cops don’t really frisk/ scan anything or anyone.
b. It is so strategically placed that it blocks 1 lane of a 2 lane approach road to a business district.
c. Sometimes it isn’t even manned!

So basically… It’s a blockade in the wrong place and (during peak office traffic) at the wrong time. While on foot once, I asked a cop what the checkpoint was for. He answered, “Sahab bole laga ke gaadi ka checking karo, hum laga diye”. (Translation: My boss asked me to put it up and check vehicles, so we put it up). It still didn’t answer my question, but his answer was so sincere that I left him to his fate. And the traffic to its own.

P. S. Most days I pass by the checkpoint with a mix of laughter and anger, so I’ve never been able to steady a shot of the place. But I promise to make an honest attempt of sharing this most spectacular checkpoint for y’alls amusement.

3. Confusing parking/tow zones
I’ll start by accepting that I’m not quite sure who’s responsible for updating the signs informing people about parking zones… But since you have to get to the cops to get it ‘untowed’ I’d say the buck stops with them. I know the signs are put up by the traffic police… But I’m sort of unclear on whether it’s their job to update it or that of the municipality folks.
I am proud to state that my city is home to the most complicated parking zone signs ever seen (by me or you or any extra terrestrial creature). Exhibits B and C below explain how a particular side of the road is a no-parking zone on even (or odd) days. Even. Days. What’s next… quizzing me about parking on prime days??! Or Fibonacci days?! Or god forbid Perfect days?!

image

image

And I wonder how would you really enforce it…? Would you drive around as 12:01 am on the morning of the 3rd to tow away cars? And do you really expect me to set an alarm for 12:01 am every other day to re-park my car??! I don’t even see dog owners being as punctual!! At this rate I would need to invest in a smart car just to tell me which side of the road to park on (and smartly park itself on the other side at midnight).

P. S. I own a two-wheel one-gear bicycle. It has never been towed on odd or even days.

With a promise to bring you more earth-shattering news from the financial capital of India… This is me signing off.

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7 thoughts on “3 things my city police does so well that I sometimes faint”

  1. I can barely make sense of traffic signs that actually make a little sense. I think those wacky no parking signs would throw me for a major loop. Great sense of humor, by the way!

    1. Thanks for stopping by Sarah.
      I’m going to take a little longer to leave you with some wise words on your blog… Its a little late in the evening here and definitely not time to comment on a political blog 😉

  2. Hahaha…interesting read. Thanks for this. Delhi Police is even funnier. Let me share a funny incident, one of my friend who recently got his hair coloured blonde..yes!! was stopped by a traffic police personnel at night. The traffic guy had a thick harayanvi accent & he started cutting a challan for speeding. He asked my friend his name and he said Bernard Kardashian. The traffic guy looked at him once but just to save himself of the embarrassment of asking the guy to spell the name, let my friend go with a warning. No challan…lol
    Thanks again for the wonderful post.

    Best
    Garima

    1. Bernard Kardashian. If I weren’t so clued into the happenings of the (in) famous family I would have a tough time with that name too!
      But, to be fair, my name’s got just 3 letters in it and no copper has ever messed it up. So I’ve been booked a few times. (sigh) The perils of having a short name.
      Thanks for stopping by Garima! All the best with your book reading endeavour (it’s my plan to do 52 weeks this year and I’m some 65 pc through so I’m totally killing it!) and your switch off habit.

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