Tag Archives: Humour

The Summer Diaries – Week 4


It’s nearly a month for me now. And these diaries are becoming increasingly the only source of entertainment for me at office (of course other than the e-books and the puzzles online…)

May 4th: 12:45 p.m.
Aah. Lunch time approaches yet again. And I’m jobless yet again. And bored, yet again. And frustrated, yet again. And typing furiously at the keyboard wondering how to waste time, yet again. *Sigh*

This world must really be coming to its end if I’m typing this over and over again, and nothing ever happens. God must really be busy with solving the issue of the swine flu, or he’d have at least come up with some solution to my ever growing troubles. (Not that he dint… e-books are a good option to staring at the computer screen endlessly in hopes of some miracle occurring at your screen).

I wish, and this is an off-the-weekend wish, that something would happen at work…

 [U must understand that by now I am REALLY desperate to get some work started, since my a** is on the line to get something done. Hence, the wish; and the tone of frustration]

 

May 6th: 6:00 p.m.
It’s official now. I am in TROUBLE.

We just received a very official looking mail from corporate HR reminding us that our mid-term review is up, and that just reminds me of how much trouble I am gonna be in, if some miracle doesn’t happen soon. And I mean really soon.

I arrived in office today glad to find my mentor and most other key personnel in place. Not that it really helped me – I met him and let him know that my mid-term review is up, and he quickly instructed someone to help me out; it’s been half a day, and either help is slow, or on holiday. Still, at least he KNOWS now that I can eventually land in trouble, and I doubt he wants something like that on his conscience.

Today has been, on all other counts a very slow day. Especially since the mailbox error yesterday, I received a tonne of mails in the morning and quickly replied to the most urgent ones – the one regarding my feedback for the mid-term review, the one from my faculty mentor requesting an appointment for the 14th, one from my wingie asking me to take care of myself, one from my roomie asking me how I was, one from my friend assuring that me that his holiday in the Gir Reserve is safe… u get the drift. Lunch was good tho… I liked the baked-beans kinda stuff. Post lunch the day has been quite typical – with me staring at the computer screen with an E-book propped on it. Today I have completed the whole Artemis Fowl series, and I must say that Eoin Colfer really does have a gift. I completely adore the 14 year old genius, his fairy sidekick, his giant bodyguard, his partner-in-crime dwarf and all the various troubles that they always seem to be in. (One appendix on the Fowl series is definitely on the cards). Other than that, there hasn’t even been ne good news today – no company gone bankrupt, no stock market crash, no celebrity death; in short a boring day for the world at large.

Seems like Murphy’s Law is kicking into place. EVERYTHING seems to stand still on one day, and there’s Jack u can do about it.

Until further reports, I will get back to some other e-books…

[A day or two later a Good Samaritan send me a tonne of e-books that I am yet to read, but that I will forever be greatful to him for.] 

 

May 7th: 6:00 p.m.
It’s weird that this is my first post for the day. And it’s also weird that something actually CAME out of today. 🙂

I finally got someone to send out a mail to his colleagues that i m around and that i need chaperoning. Luckily, I was able to meet one person today itself and get some sense on the project from him as well. He’s assured me that some other remainder of the explaining can be done by his subordinate tomorrow and that, along with some more discussion with his over the next 3 days or so should wrap up my discussions with his department. I’m hoping that I can meet at least one other person tomorrow, so that maybe 2 departments will get wrapped up by the end of this week, and by the time the faculty reviews are up, I’ll have something to report to my ever-so-eager-to-hear-me-out faculty guide and the now-u-see-me-now-u-don’t project guide.

I’ve written very little today, since I’ve spent time doing… I can’t imagine what. I dint really surf that much today. I dint read ne e-book today (not as much as I usually end up reading). I dint chat much, dint spend time on the phone, and dint even have that many mails to have kept me busy. Wonder where the time ran off today, and wonder why the hell it doesn’t happen like this on other days. I have completed an appendix to the diaries, the one on TV series, and it’s on the anvil to be posted. I also reworked a bit more on my master presentation, and have got some reviews from a colleague of my mentor (the blessed soul who sent out that angelic mail) to be able to work on. I’m still gonna be really tight on the schedule especially with the week coming to a quick end and the final presentation requiring 2 rounds of review internally here itself… Of course, I did expect this problem would arise right when I spent 2 weeks with nothing to do, but now it’s confirmed that I’m in trouble if I don’t start meeting about 2 people an average on a day and start wrapping up things here. For all blanks in the equation, of course, I have my own wild imagination to rely on. 🙂

I intend to start some other work as well today. Namely, working out. I’m not gyming, since that’s against my moral principles, but lose weight I must, and so work out I must. I sense a disturbance in the force and don’t intend to let it hinder me. As Master Yoda would say, “Shed the flab u must, and then the goal of lean and fit is yours to have…”. To Master Yoda…

[Master Yoda is a great source of inspiration to me. So what if he’s 2 feet tall, an alien, talks in riddles and dead…?]

 

May 8th: 3:45 p.m.
It seems that just as something goes right with my work here, something else goes wrong.

Just yesterday I was so happy that I was able to speak to people regarding my project, but this morning things went back to the way that they were… no one to talk to, busy people and no work to do again. For some reason I was hoping that SOMETHING might have changed. But appraisals have begun and apparently people are gonna be kept busy for the next 2-3 days. Which means another week with very little work done, one week closer to the deadline, and more pressure on me to finish this goddamn mess.

I may sound frustrated and thoroughly repetitive now, but I have no option really… I CANT talk to ne1 else, telling HR that there’s a serious problem here is also not gonna do much for me, and I no OPTION but to finish this project within the deadlines. GOD. REALLY. SEEMS. TO. HATE. ME. (Yes, the CAPS are to kinda magnify the feeling in that comment). If there’s any way to turn this around, I hope that it presents itself really soon. Really really soon.

[I dint know it until the next day, but something actually did go better the next day]

May 8th: 11:00 p.m.
I’ve just completed the post, the very tiring journey back to Mumbai and a long day at work before. One helluva satisfying day.

Work was, well, pretty decent today. Had a 2 hour long discussion with one of the department heads and got a very detailed understanding of their department. So now I at least have ONE department chalked out of that list. I have at least 7 others to go, and barely more than 2 weeks, so its not sounding too comforting… but at least its a start.

 
The Appendix on the TV series is ready for posting, and it’ll be online soon. So until then, happy reading and wish me luck guys… looks like I’m gonna need it.

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The Summer Diaries – Weeks 2 and 3


Week 2 and 3 come together in a combined post cos I wasn’t home that week (and hence unable to post…). My outrageous comments continue to be in Italics, and note that the sarcasm is increasing as we progress thru the post…

April 20th: 1:00 p.m.

I had hoped today would be a fruitful one. Ahem. Hopes do not ALL convert to dreams.

It’s almost lunch time here, and all I can really claim to have done today includes some secondary research for the theory bit of my project. Since the audit is still on in my department, most people I need to interact with are really busy. My guide is, as usual, busy with his many duties. And hence I, with no1 to interrupt my ramblings, am going to have to ramble on again.

I’ve been able to access my personal email here, on account of a smart little trick, courtesy Gmail. However, as luck would have it, even THAT isn’t receiving any mail today. I’ve, of course, reverted to spamming the rest of the trainees’ inbox; but even THAT isn’t yielding any returns today.

In short, a useless day till now. Hopefully, it’ll get better.

 [It will do u no better to know that the day did NOT in fact get ne better. But I decided not to share that fact… or wait did I just do that…?]

April 21st: 2:00 p.m.

Today dint start all that well, so let me first give you a brief overview of what happened yesterday that dint go too well.

I returned home after office, at around 6 p.m. Needless to say, nothing much had happened in the second half either, so I pretty much went home in the same irritated state in which I have been going home for the past week.

Come nightfall and I developed a killer headache. It wasn’t a migraine; those are far more concentrated and focused at giving you a bad day. This was like the heat headache, or the I’m-really-frustrated headache, or the I-need-work headache. As a result of this, I was in utter pain by around 10:30 p.m. or so and could barely sleep at all. Ergo, I watched some Lost (finished season 1 and got started on season 2) and started the movie “X Files 1” (a very bad camprint that I have, whose source I will not reveal). Cut to 6 a.m. in the morning, and my heads feeling a little better… so I decide to rest. I’m jerked outta my stupor by a phone call at around 7:30 a.m. and realize that my headache is STILL there. So I quickly brush, eat a sandwich, and gulp down some headache medication. Snap to 10 a.m. when I wake up again, and realize that I’m late for office. Needless to say, I dint realize that I had gone to sleep, so when I got up again, I was really in a rush to get to office. I showered and got ready for office, and left around 10:45 a.m., in pain and late.

I reached office, with NOONE wondering why I was late… which is both a good and a bad thing. Good because it meant no reprimands; bad because it meant I was almost invisible in the office. My bad luck continued and I had no work for today. Completely determined to do SOMETHING today, I transferred the work that I had already completely on Mike onto the office desktop and did some quick edits before sending it out for review.

Post lunch, I’ve been completely jobless. So I quickly solved some Sudoku and Kakuro (amazing number games that appear daily in our newspapers).

And typed out something here. Just so I don’t fall asleep outta boredom.

And I wonder. Why do I not remember MY office life being so static? Is it the location? The vertical? The project? The company? Or just pure luck that I had work then and no work now…?

Back to a quick game of bubbles when no1s around… [:D]

[For those of u who have never experienced a worklife in the IT Industry (which many of us Indians have) Bubbles is an addictive Flash game which involves Bubbles (wat else..) and is a useful exercise to ur fingers when u have a lot of time to kill]

5:30 p.m.

Still nothing additional has happened on the work front and my normally patient stance to most situations is beginning to wear down a little.

I’ve spent most of the last 2 hours perusing blogs, since I had nothing else to do. Most of my secondary research is on hold, at least till something gets reviewed, so that’s probably what is my first course of action.

A word on the blogs I’ve been entertaining myself with. There’s a particularly hilarious series of posts about a B School written by a consultant. The student explains, in detail, how he spent his 6 semesters at that school, and the various profs and other “people” that he encountered during that period. What’s particularly funny to note is that very similar incidents take place on almost EVERY B School in the country… makes us wonder what makes us MBAs different from each other.

I’m so bored today that I will probably leave by around 6, and go on to take a walk or something. Cuz there really is no point hanging back here today. Work has not gotten done all day; no reason to believe anything miraculous is going to happen in the last hour of the day. I’m secretly hoping that I’ll get some time at the guitar today… and that I can continue with Lost Season 2 today, and mebe even finish that horrendous X Files movie I was watching last night.

 [Update on the movie… DO NOT WATCH even if u get free passes. And dont sue me for saying that aloud!! ;)]

April 22nd: Sometime in the evening

I took ill on this fateful day; and I say fateful because my mentor was actually IN office today.

Fever took hold of me last night and, without a thermometer, I could only say that I had fever, but I couldn’t say how bad it was. But, going by the fact that I was shivering, feeling weak, and experience sever stinging in my eyes, I can safely assume that it was fever all right.

I stayed in all day, and ate very little too; spent most of the day sleeping, and trying to regain some lost energy. As a result, I have nothing to report today, other than the fact that I’ve finished Lost Season 2.

A word on this series. Lost is about a few people who survived a plane crash, and end up stranded on a mysterious island. After a while of frantic rescue signals, they just give up and contemplate on ways to survive on the island. The series is about the adventures of the characters, how they discover the various powers of the island, and how they interact with one another.

In its first season, we meet a set of drastically different people from the fuselage, and expect a lot of heated interactions. However, for some reason, nothing of that sort really happens, and everything’s really hunky dory under the able leadership of Dr. Jack Shephard. Enter Season 2, and we have a new leader emerging, in the form of John Locke. They discover more about the island, about its other inhabitants (yes, they’re not the only people on this island) and the survivors of the tail section.

The reason I’m really watching this series is because I have nothing else to do. Devoid of all other forms of entertainment, I’m getting used to watching something on my laptop, and this does include Lost, How I Met Your Mother (an increasingly addictive and hilarious series), The Big Bang Theory (Sci-Fi humour and sarcasm at its very best), Heroes (terribly addictive) and some arbit list of movies that I come up with. (More on the other series some time later…)

 [That will probably be a seperate post altogether, and I am working on that…]

April 24th: 4:00 p.m.

It has been yet another unfruitful day today.

I turned up in office today, rested from yesterday’s holiday on account of the election. I was still under the fever, so I couldn’t really do anything other than sleep and eat; nonetheless it was rest from walking to office and sitting at the computer doing nothing.

Today, I’ve been doing nothing AGAIN. And I mean actually nothing at all. I came in at around 11, after resting for the fever that seemed to have caught on again. I came in to find out that my mentor is gone (AGAIN) and that he has taken with him all the other people that I could have spoken to. (Mysteriously, this seems to happen every time…)

So, done with all my secondary research, I was only left with the task of checking my mails and replying to them, reading the newspaper, solving the Sudoku and Kakuro puzzles from the papers, and updating my LinkedIn profile. It has been a boring day in total, and I really don’t have much to add to this.

I’m growing increasingly worried that if I have nothing done by the time our faculty mentor is in the company to review us, I’ll be in trouble. And more trouble will ensue if the mid term review that’s conducted here at our company proves that I haven’t done much.

Maybe I need to take some initiative and go bug some people… talk to them about who I need to be talking to, so that at least some work will get started.

Meanwhile, I’m entertaining myself with some trivia quiz here, and some googling that I’ve been up to.

 [YES.. Googling is a legally accepted word. I checked.]

Apr 26th: 9:30 p.m.

Yet another weekend has just ended for me, and I can’t help but wonder if the next weekend can make it here any faster.

I was ill on Friday, so I used a good part of Saturday to recuperate, and go to office of course. The day in office was, as expected, a waste of a good weekend. My mentor was busy rushing things up after the board meeting in Mumbai, so he was way too busy to waste time on an intern. Hence, I wasted the day in office. Unfortunately, it hadn’t struck me to carry along some reading material, like a good e-book, so I was left staring at a computer screen and completely bored to death. As a result of the very boring day, I went back to the room and slept like a very irritated kid.

Come Sunday morning, and I got up REALLY late; almost around noon. I then took off for Pune, just to check the city out. It seems to have a great many places to hang out – F.C. Road, where a lot of the college junta (crowd for the non-Hindi speakers) hangs out; Camp area, which is basically a replica of Linking Road at Bandra (I seem to have gotten there ahead of the crowd, so I dint see traffic, but a lot of people swear it gets as bad as Mumbai on a good Sunday evening); J.M. Road which is a good shopping paradise and a popular hangout area as well; and the place I went to called Swar Gate, which is less a hangout place and where I spotted a gaming parlour to kill time.

Pune to my place is roughly around 45 minutes, but what made the day really irritating was the heat. Not that Pune isn’t normally hot; today it was hot and humid, a combination that we don’t usually witness here, and which is a deadly combo. It drains all energy outta you, and makes you feel so irritated with God (not that I don’t have other reasons, but HEY God, you wanna bring it on, C’MON
!!).

So I returned, hot and sweaty back at Pimpri, at around 8 p.m. Realising that I was outta juices at the apartment, I went to the nearby departmental store to pick some up, and discovered that the whole TOWN shops on Sunday (point to be noted henceforth). It took me roughly 30 minutes to pick up 2 packs of juice, a bottle of Coke and some curd – a feat that would’ve taken me not more than 10 mins at a department store back home, but Hey, I’m not complaining; at least they STOCKED what I needed.

[I made a note to myself NOT to shop over the weekends in Pimpri ever again…. but I guess u’ve figured that out by now…]

This week has been, in a nutshell, depressing. No work has gotten done, I’ve been ill, and the weekend has been a disaster. Maybe I’ll get better luck this week; and if I don’t, I think I’ll just talk to someone back at headquarters and give them a little overview of my precarious position. Hopefully, tomorrow my busy mentor will find some time to guide me, and something might get done. Otherwise, I think a dose of Artemis Fowl and some Chick-Lit is on the cards.

Here’s to a better week… [Ironically, the next week wasnt ne better, but I dint kno that when I typed this out now did I…?]

[Notice how I’m wishing again…?] 

April 27th: 11:15 a.m.

It is yet another Monday morning that I have turned up in office and found NOONE to be able to talk to. Looks like my luck is running out, and so is my patience. I think I’m just gonna go up to random people and talk to them now.

Maybe THAT will throw up some useful results…

[It dint]

3:00 p.m.

Still no luck on the project yet. I’m due to talk to one the people who might be able to help me, but he seems busy with the printer for now, so I’m assuming he IS busy.

As far as hunting down random people goes, I couldn’t get myself to do it. I just COULDN’T track down someone, grab him by his collar, ask him his department and interrogate him on the spot.

Which is why I decided to mail the guy from Corporate HR and let him in on my little dilemma. At least he must KNOW that I’ve been trying hard enough, but that nothing can really come about if the people I need to talk to are simply MISSING from office. Maybe he’ll have an alternative that I haven’t already thought of, and that may solve my problem.

Note to self: Get some e-books tomorrow, just in case. If you’re bored, at least you’ll have something interesting to read that isn’t “blocked by Websense”. Also try attempting to land a desk phone here; it may be useful to CALL people up instead of just mailing them.

[It wasnt]

April 28th: 7:00 p.m.

I was home all day, so I can’t really say the day’s been good.

I was taken ill today, with quite high fever and heavy fatigue. In short, I was unable to make it to office this morning, and I stayed in all day, in bed, trying to recuperate. My head was hurting bad, my fever was high, and I was really too tired to do anything, so I’m saved of the exercise of having to report anything. I think that now is a good time to go visit some doctor and get this sleep anomaly fixed, because it aint doing me no good at all.

[The day was so fruitless that I dint even bother to ramble on. Hence, I’ll refrain from commenting too…]

April 29th: 6:00 pm

It’s been another uneventful day for me here. Apparently my absence yesterday was noted by some people in the admin dept, so they asked me how I decided to bunk the day, and i replied earnestly that I been unwell, diseased by a food poisoning. I received some courtesy “Aww, take care” remarks, and  then a crisp comment to report to someone in admin the next time i decided to call in sick.

Other than that I was invisible for the day, as I’ve always been. I received no snide comments from ne1, no requests from ne1 and certainly no advice from ne1. I was left to work at my computer screen in utter solitude… something that wasn’t so bad since i used the time i had to finish some work that i wanted to wrap up yesterday. After my meeting with my mentor I had quickly taken the time to work on the presentation, bring about some changes and attempt to make it a little easier for him to make sense of. I did some of the stuff that he asked me to, and will probably try wrapping it up tonight, or early tomorrow and run him thru it again. Maybe he’ll realise that there isn’t much I can do till I talk to enough people to make sense out of the mess that I’m in.

Nevertheless. I’ve done some work today. Which is more than I can say for a good part of the last 2 weeks. So at least my conscience is at rest now. At least I’ve done SOMETHING to earn my keep. And this makes me feel far happier than most things I have been able to accomplish these past 2 weeks. When I go home this weekend (YES, I get to go home on this extended weekend) I’ll at least rest a bit, seeing that I’ve done some work. As also, a trip home demands that I quickly begin work on the extensive report as well. I saw the format for that wretched thing recently, and I can safely admit that it’ll take a good 2 weeks or so to work on that goddamned report as well. Maybe my company knew this and THATS y they decided to wrap our project up earlier (sigh…). I also have a tentative date for me to report back to campus, so I’ll quickly plan how my last few days in Mumbai are going to span out and how early I’ll get to Delhi and what to do over the time that I’m there (read: irritating my roomie and other inmates on campus, and probably some other individuals there as well, shopping for some clothes maybe, buying myself a good badminton racquet, and probably getting me some new sunscreen lotion as well, seeing that the current one isn’t really doing its job too well).

It’s 6 20 as I finish this post (and a wada pav), and I’m going to wrap the day up here. There is nothing more I can do to that presentation without inputs from some other people, cuz I don’t know what exactly they want from it. Maybe that’ll come about tomorrow or (sigh) next week. Next week is, by the way, our mid-term review, so I need to bring some other people up to date with my activities and make them believe that it takes some time to gather people around and make some sense of their not so sensible responses.

Here’s another day wrapped up, and possibly the first that I’ve been happy to sign off on.

[Ever notice that this is the first GOOD day that I’ve talked about..? Some pathetic life I must have eh…?]

10:00 p.m.

Well, it’s been a surprisingly fruitful day at office today, and I must say that I feel a little relieved that at least something came about from the day. After getting back home as well, it’s been more or less a good day.

I got home around 7 p.m. after quickly checking my facebook account for any updates (sadly there have been none). Returned home slightly after the heat of the day had gone out, so I dint have to walk back in the hot sun, or get tired walking back home (it’s strange; I’m actually calling this apartment home…). I quickly fired up my laptop and finished some work that I had been trying to wrap up in office. Hopefully, I’ll have better luck with it tomorrow in office…

Dinner today was a jolly affair. My roomie figured out how to work a hot plate and we had… hold your breath… Maggi for dinner!! You cannot imagine how comforting it felt to have a semblance of civilisation in this place, how purely ecstatic I felt to taste something that I loved back on campus. So I skipped the idea of a sandwich for dinner and relished the Maggi instead. Probably the sandwich will be a midnight snack. I watched an episode of Lost, and got so bored that I abandoned that altogether! This from a series that I was hooked on to over the last week!! Well I just guess that Lost Season 4 is too much of a stretch… it’s just not that captivating anymore; there’s just no more mystery to it and it’s just the characters playing it out against each other.

[I have ready an Appendix for the TV series where I’ve written more about that, but I just cant seem to find it on the comp here…]


April 30th: 3 30 p.m.

After a particularly bad start to the day, my day’s back to normal and I have no work to do as usual.

I woke up late today, as on many other days, and decided to quickly shower and head to work, since today was the last working day of this short week and I dint want to be absent on the last day of the week (I mean it’s bad enough if u skip a day in the middle of the week while on Summer Training and bunking the last day of the week is purely rude). So, as I was taking a rapid shower, I also took a few rapid steps, and few things happened in rapid succession (I used rapid 3 times in this sentence, and I dint intend to do that…). I slipped on the wet floor, hit my head on the tap, and got knocked out. I was out a few minutes before I came to, and quickly decided to assess the damage. I had a lump the size of a small ping pong ball at the back of my head, but no bleeding and otherwise external injuries (I dint even hurt my back or my arms or anything…). I checked to find perfectly normal pupils (dilated would have indicated some kind of trauma induced shock) and wasn’t feeling nauseous or ne vertigo at all. I quickly got an ice pack, and lied down to reduce the size of the throbbing ping pong ball that was my head. After a quick call to the company doctor an hour later, during which he advised me to have a neuro consult, I dressed for office and left for the hospital. The neurophysician at the hospital echoed my views that I was perfectly fine at that moment, but that I must be careful and monitor myself for the next 24-48 hours.

Post that particularly boring experience, I traipsed into office (it was lunch time now, so the phrase traipsed into office actually fits the bill…). I let my mentor, who WAS in office today, know that I was back in office and ready to work and filled the doctor in. Ever since, I have spent my time looking at my particularly amusing computer screen (almost waiting for it to get up and dance or something…) and typing out mails or reading up on news. I haven’t achieved anything in particular today, but I hope to do so before I leave so that I can spend my weekend in relative ease that I will not be butchered in the mid-term review when it commences.

More on my uneventful day later…

[Somehow the day was so bad that I decided to stay off the computer the rest of that day. And head back home!!]

May 1st: 10:00 p.m.

It’s day one of the long weekend that I was lucky to find myself, and I’ve spent it just the way that a weekend must be spent – sleeping and lazing away.

I found myself waking up at 5 pm, after a good 14 hours of sleep (I’m told that it’s unusual to sleep that long, but considering that I’m finding myself in good circumstances after almost 2 weeks, I think I’m entitled to indulge myself a little). After waking, I took out on a little drive, and ever since I’ve been relaxing… taking in the sights and sounds of the place I call home. I intend to spend some time tomorrow with my Grandma. Probably even go shopping with her, watch some brainless TV shows with her maybe… in short, I intend to spend some time with family this weekend. Maybe I’ll have more to report tomorrow… but in the absence of any further reports, it can safely be assumed that I did nothing. 😀

[I really did NOTHING that day. Worse than a day in office..!!]


May 2nd: 6:00 p.m.

Day 2 of the long weekend, and I can proudly claim that I’ve wasted it well.

I travelled to my grandma’s place today, helped with some shopping and relieved her of some of her tension. We (my mom n me) did some small time shopping to carry her thru the week, and just headed straight back home. I travelled in the irritable ST buses (State Transport buses that look that they are gonna fall apart any instant leaving you guessing when it’s gonna break down and you’re gonna be stranded on the highway) and thankfully reached home in one piece. Ever since, I’ve been catching up with some friends and I think I’m gonna stay in today as well, and spend some more time online, trying to reach some friends and do some quick surfing. Otherwise, I’m gonna spend my weekends that most average humans do – sleeping and on the phone with friends.

[Again a note here on average humans. By that I mean average FEMALE humans, which means average girls in the age group of 18-22; hence if u r not in that specific profile u r not an average human… u probably arent human at all… (so much for the Men are from Mars postulation huh…?)]

The Summer Diaries – Week 1


Since I’m currently interning with a company based outta Pune, I thought it would be gr8 fun to keep a journal with all the most important events of the day, if ne. This is an excerpt of that journal from week 1.

Apr 11th 10:00 pm

It’s been a day since the 2 day long induction. It was tiring, to say the least. Not because it was physically demanding at all… we had to sit in chairs in an air conditioned Board Room and do nothing other than listen to the speakers. It was demanding in a more mental sense – it was an information overload.

Before I say more, it’s good to get an introduction of why all this actually happened.

I’m in a B School, and we do a corporate interaction project during our summers as part of our course curriculum. I was selected to do my internship in a very prestigious company based out of Mumbai. The 2 day induction program at their Mumbai based headquarters was part of this exercise. It was intended to make us a little more appraised with all the businesses of the company, and also get a chance to meet the other summer interns at the place.

Day 1 consisted of a LOT of information. On their mainstay groups to begin with, and their newer businesses post that. My project is in the automotive sector, so I was looking to get a sense of the fit of the SBU in their business. My feeling is that I’m no closer to understanding the business now than I was a few days ago; only that I can talk a lot more about the company now.

I spent a lot of my day today recouping from an injury that I sustained a few days ago, courtesy to Mumbai’s famous Railway Network. I fell at the Railway Station and seem to have sustained some muscle injury… nothing serious I assured myself, and the doctor reassured me. I spent a good part of the first half in bed nursing the foot, and more time in the evening repeating the exercise.

What I really need is a feel of a holiday – a long lie in, movies, popcorn, some movies, friends, more movies and a good time out in Mumbai (minus the heat, of course). I spent some time guitaring today… it makes me feel a little happy and almost like I HAVE something to do. I’m barred from any exertions to my foot, so I can’t even do something like exercise, or run, or jog. Confined to my home, I’m limited to blogging (which I’ve already done enough of), some movies (which I’ve already watched), songs (which I hear a lot of), videos and TP (which I don’t particularly like), the guitar (which I’ve done quite a bit of in the last few days) and sleeping (which, as an MBA student I don’t particularly enjoy that much).

My next touch point is Pune, where I’ll be spending the next 8 weeks working on my Summer Project. I hope it’s an experience I’ll have something to write about. Talk about, Think about even. Do SOMETHING about.

 

April 13th 10:00 am

Waiting at the Pune office…

For anyone who’s not been to Pune via the Mumbai-Pune expressway, it is a must visit. Great views adorn the whole road, with the majestic view of the Ghats on one stretch and a beautiful barren stretch. The road itself is a great pleasure to drive on… neat, clean, well laid (unlike many of the Mumbai roads I have had the misfortune of travelling on).

Leaving at 6 50 a.m. was a task in itself. If you know a B School student, you would know that we do well with late night, but early mornings are a big scare for us. We can stay up till 5 a.m., but if you ask us to WAKE up at 5 a.m. a sizable sigh and a frown will follow. Nonetheless, I still managed to wake up around 5:45, and get dressed and packed by 6:45. After an initially slow stretch over the outskirts of Mumbai, we hit the Pune expressway. The new road is, without a doubt, beautiful, both to drive on as well as look at (exactly how you describe a road as beautiful you might not understand till you LIVE in Mumbai and drive down such a road). About 2 hours on the road, and we took the exit for Lonavla, and joined our good old NH-4.

A word about good old National Highways. They don’t look good; at all. They look old; very old. They were built very long ago and not used to handling the kinda traffic we see on the roads now. The stretch of NH4 that we were using connected Lonavla to Pune, passing thru Dehu Road, Pimpri and some other places. It passes hilly terrain in some regions, and it goes without saying that the road is not very well managed in most spots. Toll plazas are placed every 20 k.ms or so, and they are highly ineffective and time consuming, with the most ancient mechanisms used to collect toll amounts. And the most irritating feature on this stretch is the trucks. Not that you do not see trucks on any other road… but I’d give you anything if you can drive behind 2 lanes of trucks (it’s a 2 lane road this…) and NOT curse someone. The trucks simply BLOCK the whole road and, unable to move fast themselves, don’t let you move at a decent speed either. We lost almost 30 minutes on this stretch and, needless to say, in the heat, this time really made a difference to us.

Having reached Pimpri, where the office location is, I used some time to quickly freshen up, eat and get geared for office. Thankfully, I had some transportation to get to the site office. It’s about a 15 minute walk from the guest house where I live, but in the heat I can easily say this is about a half hour, because it certainly feels like it. Reaching the office at 10 a.m. I was all ready to get into the groove in the corporate world.

Only to be greeted by the receptionist and informed that my guide is a little busy in the first half on the day and will not be in till almost the lunch hour.

This leaves me with plenty of time to report the occurrings of the day, mainly the drive, the guest house and the wait. Hopefully I’ll have something better to note towards the end of the day. I’ll use the time I have to read… at least THAT’S something I can do without a guide.

 

2:50 p.m.

I finally HAVE some work to do, but as Murphy’s Law goes, something always seems to be getting in the way.

I finally met my project guide around noon. Thankfully he realised that he had kept me waiting quite a while, and explained his own position to me as well. I used the time I had to read (Artemis Fowl makes great reading while waiting for work to arrive…).

My meeting with him went quite well. He explained to me the complex structure of the organisation and the project that was involved. It goes without saying that I’m expected to achieve a lot in very little time; but the best part is that it can probably be done.

My project will involve (and since I can’t divulge any specifics here) drawing up a phased implementation roadmap for a certain system that needs to be put into place here. Primary issues arise from the complex holding structures in the company and the kind of allocations that need to be done, from a more accounting perspective. I don’t really have to implement the system; just draw up a plan for HOW it can be done.

Day 1 would involve understanding, among other things, the processes that the company undertakes. For a company its size, the processes would be fairly complex, and I think the major challenge therefore lies in UNDERSTANDING the current system and segregating it into systems that we management kids are more used to.

At 2:50 p.m. I’ve had lunch, read some more of Fowl, played some, typed some and done some of all that over again. In short, I’ve had a lot of time to waste, and I think I’ve wasted it well. I hope to get some work started today… so that I can at least claim that a thousand bucks a day is worth it for me. After all, management students or not, our self esteem can still not allow us to earn by doing nothing. And I do intend to earn my worth.

 

April 14th 9:30 p.m.

Back from another day in the office… and I don’t really have any more to report today that I did have yesterday.

The morning began around 8:30 a.m. I woke up, showered (and THIS is an achievement for me) and left for office, hoping to be of some use in the office today. As it turns out, yesterday repeats itself, and I’m left jobless again, and worse, without a place to sit in. Somehow, I managed a spot to dock myself, and discovered that NOONE that I was on the project with was expected to come in today. I spent about an hour hounding various people in different departments for access to the internet and hit paydirt somewhere around 11 a.m. With net access, I was invincible; well, almost. I had access to most business sites in the least, so at least I knew the news and stuff. I was unable to access any really useful sites, since they are all banned for some reason. But hey, just the site of those green dots flickering in the network connectivity brings a smile on my face.

Skip to lunch, which was solo today, and not that great either. I think the plain reason for lunch alone is that I’m a kid in that place… and the uncles and aunts in the office wouldn’t want to be caught dead lunching with a kid. So yea, I had lunch all alone, and then went back to my spot in the bay.

Post lunch I was basically browsing a bit, reading a bit, and working on an outline of my presentation a bit. Got a little boring after while… so I switched to some light fiction and caught some entertainment for myself.

Turns out that I won’t have anything to do this whole week. Audits are keeping the whole bunch of people busy, and so I, the little kid, will have to use the net access as a lollipop and stay satisfied for a while. But hey, I’m not even complaining – I doubt that anyone in the whole batch gets paid to go to office, surf the net, read fiction and eat; AND DO NO WORK ALL DAY!!!

I utilised the evening to go shopping for some stuff… fruits, juices, munchies. Turns out that shopping in Chinchwad aint fun at all… the people give you weird looks in the store if you’re standing in one place too long (and not the why-don’t-you-get-moving look, the dirty why-are- you-in-this-store kinda look). Still, I braved the dirty looks and shopped for some essentials and got back, in time for dinner and this post.

Hopefully, tomorrow will be a more fruitful day. Maybe I can discover some other sites to browse. Maybe I can even get a temp mail id for myself. Maybe my OWN id will get activated. Maybe I’ll get a spot that I can call my own. Maybe I’ll get a phone to go with that spot. Maybe I won’t be the kid in the office anymore. Maybe I’ll have company for lunch. Maybe I’ll have fun shopping. Maybe, just maybe, it’ll be a day I’ll be happy with.

 

April 19th 12 noon

I’m back home for the weekend, and I’ve surprisingly had nothing to do over the weekend either… 😉

I arrived home late Friday night, and I’d taken the bus from Chinchwad to get here so a note about that journey. I rushed from office to get a bus into Mumbai leaving Chinchwad at 7:00 p.m. Now, since it’s a non-AC bus, it’s generally cheap and I did expect it to stop at every junction to pick up ppl. But, it turns out, that it doesnt… it went straight from Chinchwad to the next scheduled stop at a dhaba on the way to Mumbai (now this isnt a Punjabi style dhaba… so dont get ur hopes up much).

We arrived at Lonavla around 8:10 p.m or so, and it seems our driver was so frigging scared of the ghats that he slowed down substantially, and decided to let even trucks overtake us at times!!! So nehow, wat was normally a 2.5 hour journey extended well into 3.5 hours, and I finally reached home.

Saturday was spent lazing around. I woke reallly late (10 a.m. is realllly late even on a weekend for an average Indian household). I spent the rest of the day ENJOYING home made food, and just listening to the antics at home. My grandma and my Mom can argue incessantly on such mundane topics that it’s almost entertaining in its own little way. Yesterday I caught them arguing on whether the AC shud be set at 4 or 5. I couldnt spoil their fun by telling them that it barely makes ne difference at all… and so I let them have a go at each other, while they brandished arguments like “4 means less and 5 means more cold” and “4 saves more power and 5 consumes more power” and, this one’s really good, “everyone else I know keeps the AC at 4”. 

Today, I’m hopefully gonna meet a few friends from college for coffee in Town (nething souch of Dadar is termed as Town in Mumbai… ne Mumbaikar would think u crazy if u called that area nething BUT Town). I’m gonna be meeting them after a very long time, and we have sooooo much to talk about that it’s unimaginable how coffee is gonna serve the purpose at all. Nonetheless, that will probably be the highlight of my day, so I’m gonna look forward to it.

Tomorrow is Monday. Beginning of week 2. A new landmark for me. A week in which I hope to get some work started and give some shape to my project. A week in which I hope to lose some weight (Hey… ANY girl can make that wish :P). A week in which I hope to report more in this journal that the mundane ravings of a jobless student.

The Facebook 25 note


Well.. since it’s the chain that’s on Facebook, I thot I may as well be crazy and go ahead write 25 things in a note… Point to be noted is that the ppl I tag in this note must go ahead and mirror the madness, and write 25 things for us to laugh about.. (Yes… that means u can laugh about my 25, as I did about many others’…)

25. My friends call me the Devil. I used to argue initially, then I stopped… n now I INSIST on it. After all, how many Devils do u kno that arent cool and fun and absolutely awesome… and evil of course. (hee haa haa haaa….)

24. I’m a Scorpio, and a good one at that – loyal to my friends, and VERY loyal to my enemies too (give them a tough time). I do, however, believe that sun signs have no effect watsoever on ur behavioral dispositions. Still, it’s fun.

23. I dislike sterotyping ppl. No, saying I’m a Scorpio is not sterotyping Scrorpios – it’s a fun fact that I think ppl may do well to kno. I dont like ppl saying “fat ppl are so n so..” or “skinny ppl are so n so” or “IMTians are so n so”… ppl are different, at least credit them for that.

22. I luv Music. Tho many ppl (read.. Knight) wud say that I barely lissen to much, or too many genres, I like a good piece of music.

21. I luv my Guitar. I cant play it too well, or sing along too well wid it (as my wingmates will testify), but I luv the feel of singing with it. My roomie, btw, sings decently.. so I jam wid her. And I used to jam in office too. And in college too. And in skool too…

20. I luv MIKE. I think he’s awesome – I can be in a relationship wid him wid no commitment watsoever. Wenever he’s too much trouble, I simply shut him down. A few strokes and he’s all mine again. I luv fiddling wid him on my bed… it’s my favourite bedtime passtime. In short, I love my laptop.

19. Sports is an integral part of my life. I love most sports – Football, Basketball, Volleyball, Badminton, Lawn tennis, Table tennis, Throw ball, Athletics, Baseball… etc.. I DO not however, like Cricket, or Rugby, or American Football. (No offence meant.. ) I think they’re pointless sports, or violent sports, or in the case of one BOTH.

18. I own about 10 pairs of shoes. For most girls, that’s a travesty. For me, it’s a logical option. I own a pair of shoes for each sport I play, and that’s all I need.

17. I think myself of a gadget freak. I like gadgets and figuring them out. I dont own too many gadgets tho… btw.. 17 is my jersey number from forever. I dunno y. I just like all my jerseys to have the same number on them.

16. My idea of a perfect holiday, wud be home (in Mumbai) wid friends, music, drinks and a dance floor.

15. I tend to leave my music system or TV volume or Mike’s Volume at an odd number – generally. I dont kno y… it’s just a coincidence… that happens a lot. Like numbering this note at an odd number…

14. I like travelling. I’m yet to visit many places in India, but I think travelling is a good hobby to have. Better still, I kno ppl who share that hobby, and actually LOVE travelling – so this is a sign to u that we shud travel some more…!!

13. I like 13. The number’s enigmatic. Some ppl hate it, others wanna luv it. I wanted to have it as my jersey number, then lost it to some high profile player. I also like Thirteen, the character on House. Too bad she’s dying…

12. I LUV watching TV. I can sit on my couch at home, wid a bowl of Dorritos and Coke and go on a telethon. I luv watching stuff from absolutely no-brainers (Buffy..) to Brainy (House, Criminal Minds.. ) to Comedy (HIMYM) to Sitcoms (FRIENDS, an all time favourite..) I miss Smallville a lot – I think I’ve had a secret crush on Superman as a kid, and watching a really cute guy become Superman is something I like to watch often.

11. This list was a bad idea. I thot I could do 50, and beat Sameer’s record, but I can barely make it past 15!! I think I need to stretch my creativity a little more…

10. I believe in God, but not in Religion. Religion, as someone put it, “is doing what you are told..no matter what is right”. Makes sense to me. Besides, God doesnt need ne1 to feed his ego. I think he’s pretty high on the kinda world he’s made…

9. I like plays. They’re real, and more touching that cinema will ever be. I used to write plays at a point in time. I dont ne more. I am making an honest attempt to kno ppl who watch plays so I can tag along – I’m not lame to go watch a play alone.

8. I study in Delhi, and I really cannot GET this city. The ppl here are slow, lazy and think of themselves as smart alecs. They’d spot a chaat shop (chaat’s a tangy little snack) and stop walking back from work to eat. They’d stop in the MIDDLE OF THE PAVEMENT and catch up wid each other. Dog’s dont move a muscle wen u’re driving at 80 kmph towards them – YOU need to veer ur vehicle around them. Buffaloes do not move – however much u honk at them (Actually, this one’s Agra..;))A night life is non existent, if u do not have a car and chauffeur. It’s a city too slow and relaxed for me – something I can never understand. In short, Del-huh.

7. I luv Mumbai. I luv the pace of the city, the spirit of the ppl, the local trains, the wada pav (it’s like a burger, onli YUMMIER!!) and the cutting chai (that’s tea in a really small cup, and generally really unhygienic, but WHO CARES!!). I luv the fact that we have monsoons that last long enuf to give us at least 3 days off from skool. I luv the fact that we dont have to worry about wat we’re wearing wen we’re out shopping over the weekend. I luv the fact that so many attacks of the city still hasn’t worn us out.I luv the fact that ppl are cool wid shopping on their way back from work (ride in a local train, and u’ll kno wat i’m talking about..). I can go on, but I think u get the point here. I luv Mumbai. I also luv the number 7.

6. I’m not a loner, but I like some alone time once in a while. I think it gives me some time to plan something evil. No wonder ppl dont leave me wid much of alone time..

1. I think life’s really short and that if I plan long term, I dont get to live short term. So I like to do spontaneous things. Like playing badminton on a bad headache. Like running at 11 in the night. Like calling up friends at 5 in the morning to tell them that I miss them. Like getting drunk the night before Valentine’s and having weird convos (Sorry Ankira and Vicky…). Like taking up squash in 10th grade. Like numbering this point 1.

4. I dont think there’s really a perfect man. No1s perfect – Not me, not u, not ne1 i kno. Wat matters that his defects must be ones that I can live with. He must be my McDreamy – with a sense of humour, an ability to sing, a penchant for writing, and patience to stand me. He must also be smart enuf to hold conversations wid me, and dumb enuf to fall for me…

3. My favourite season is Autumn. The golden brown leaves on the ground, the trees with open arms, the wonderful chrome yellow sunsets – the picturesqueness of this image is far more than ne season. Coming in a close second is Winter. Quiet, white and the air full of snowballs and snowmen on the kerbs. We have neither season in India…

2. As a kid I wanted to be a postbox for some time. I think I wanted to mean so much to ppl that they’d pour letters full of emotions into me. Till I met the traffic policeman. I thot the power of a guy standing in the middle of the street and holding out a PALM to stop the traffic was enormous. Till I met the conductor. He handed ppl a piece of paper for money (how cool is THAT). Until I heard of the Air Force. Flying in a cockpit and saying “Roger that” fascinated me. And I hadnt even seen Top Gun then. Till I met my cousin the Army. Running behind bad guys with guns and yelling “Yaaaa” at the top my lungs was something I wud have luved to do. (Obviously I cud imagine them running at me wid guns bigger than mine..). Till I learn wat my Dad did for a living. He took other ppl’s money, made some money for them, and made some for himself too.I think I still want to be an investment banker and advisor (altho equity research is a dream that I will fulfill some day)

1. I dislike failure. I think true failure is falling and not getting up. I dont mind falling (my scraped knees will not concur tho.. ), but I get a thrill in getting back up. I admire ppl who can stand up again… even if it’s onli to fall again. But I think the spirit of succeeding is in the thot that u’re down, but u’re never out. Like I finished my 25 points in this note.

26. I like pushing myself beyond the limit. I think it’s fun to test ur limits – after all wen did “Do not charge for more than 8 hours” mean that I took my fone off the charger after a whole night. Who ever played withing the rules. Who ever thought that I’d stop at 25 😛

27. Nail Clippers are a fascinating tool. I once ran outta scissors and used them to cut a bandage off my knee. I particularly like the little pointy edge. I luv poking my roomie wid em… hehe…

28. I sleep like a log. My wingmates will testify to the fact that I am the MOST difficult person on the floor to be woken. I can sleep onli 2 hours, but not wake up. I can sleep a whole 8 n still refuse to be up. I kno that they’ve tried kicking me, tickling me, screaming into my ears, bodily lifting me up, blaring loud music. And succeeded with a simple element – Water. Kudos to Hemali for figuring that out…

29. I like reading. Again, one of those things that I do not do a lot of – in the sense that I would not describe myself as well read. Onli that I like to read. From fantasy to horror to mystery to Kids fiction. I think of reading as entertainment – I dont like reading books that use up too much brain. I like Artemus Fowl, and Harry Potter, and Lord Voldy. John Galt and Howard Roark are characters I’ve loved, but spent too much brain on. 30. I am known to argue forever for no reason. It’s a thing I do to annoy ppl. And sometimes I’ve had some very unusual arguments. The “is/are” debate with a colleague was memorable. The “ur day to clean my room” is a debate that I’ve always won till date. The “chicken or egg” debate is my favourite one tho… I’ve argued both sides at diff times with some very hilarious results…

31. I am known to be irrational at times. I dont know y. If I did, I may be called rational innit..?

32. My favourite food of all time is the Mumbaiyya Wada Pav. I can never explain y it grew so much on me. Onli that it’s a snack I wud try to sneak into hell – even Satan will have a tough time refusing it.

33. I luv Bryan Adams – have for a long time now. His songs have a raw feel to them, with gr8 listening value. Summer of ’69 is one of my favourites.

34. Dancing is a passion I’ve fostered for a long time. I used to dance a bit, then took to choreography, since it’s far more entertaining to see ppl make mistakes and make them dance to ur tunes (literally..). I want to dance on my wedding night – to some really good numbers. One Waltz, a Salsa and a Jive are definitely on the cards – plus a Bollywood dance and the groom will be one tired lad.

35. Education is something I’ve appreciated all my life. But my faith in our education system falls every year. Somehow I dont see how a GPA defines a person. I think true learning happens without grades. So, dear Dean when u read this, please abolish our grading system…

36. I luv chocolates. I mean luv luv. Luv to the extent of licking it off a table. Luv to the extent of grabbing it from my friend at her birthday bash. Luv to the extent of giving it up…

37. My cellfone is a gadget that I always travel with. It’s amazing how something which I’ve owned for not more than 4 years means so much to me.

38. I’m known to cheat a lot. this point for example.

39. And this one too…

40. Aah, and a big number looms. I always used to luv numbers tho… even as a kid I was very interested and good at math. Sadly, that ended wid me being a professional trader and doing insane calculations every second. Now, I do math wen I need to, and with my trusted aide – my calculator.

41. I like writing. Needless to say, I’m not certified as a good writer, nor do I consider myself particularly gifted on this front. But I like writing to give reality a face.

42. Moderation is the key to my living. Dont eat too much, dont sleep too much, NEVER drink too much. Dont love less, dont hope less, and dont let gravity keep u too close to the floor. Also, dont write too much – will stop at 50.

43. My family means a lot to me. I cherish them for the moments I’ve had with them. And mentally frame all the good ones. My mom’s a great cook, my dad’s a great guy, and bro’s, well, he’s the black sheep. (kidding..)They are the reason I go home. and stay there.

44. Work is fun. or shud be. Or else it’s gonna be boring to sit at a place for 10 hours. Works fun wne u have friends around. Make some colleagues friends.

45. I’ve never been fascinated by birthdays. Somehow, birthdays can pass me, and I’ll feel the same (one actually did, wen no1 seemed to remember my birthday, including me!). Unlike some ppl I kno (read Avi…) who celebrate birthday month, week and day, I can onli handle the 5 minutes of cake cut and smear. The party after is wat I look forward to…

46. I luv watching movies. And I can watch nething from Caste Away to Citizen Kane to When Harry Met Sally to Top Gun. While I still uphold the rule of entertainment here, I dont mind a bit of brain use here – if the guy’s cute. 😉

47. I formulated a chemical in the lab once that smelt really good. I later learnt that could have killed me had I even drank a sip of it. I have the knack of doing those kinda things a lot.

48. I luv driving. For no reason and with no destination. But not with no fuel. Getting stuck on a highway in Mumbai made me aware of the fact that spare tyres and a bottle of petrol EXIST for a reason.

49. Aahh…. I wanna cheat now. But I wont. My conscience wont let me. But hey, my conscience is on vacation.. it’s the weekend 😀

50. Finally. My pit stop. I am AWESOME. and so are all the ppl I kno. and so is my world. and so is this note. and so is this last point. Phew… All the best to someone to cross this record; it took me quite some time and effort to think up 50 things. But I’m sure someone can do it…. at least try.

51. I promised to stop at 50, but there are some things that I had to add as an afterthot. Like the fact that I dint run this post thru a spellcheck (I generally do…). Or that this number list has no No. 5. Or that u scrolled up to check it. Or that u scrolled back, saw this and are now grinning. I like doing that a lot. And I enjoy ppl who can enjoy that. 

 

Feel free to add ur own points in, via comments – If I really luv them, I’d add them to my list, albeit with reference and a bit of modifications. (Plagiarism has never been a thing for me).Join in, fellow bloggers…!

Re: Letter to God


Dear Devil,
In reply to ur frantic letter, I thought it would be wise to answer u myself, and not let my prayer department handle this one.

I am God. No, not the one u saw in Bruce Almighty or some other Blockbuster flick. Im the real one, busy and confused, and neck deep in prayer requests. I have to make sure that the tsunamis dont wipe out too many people, earthquakes only squish a few people and most of all, the kids get their wishes for days off at school every second week. I have to ensure that Manchester United win every odd game, and Chelsea loses as much as the Arsenal fans want them to. I have to make sure that when Bush wins the election, he does enough good to warrant the ill-will from so many other Americans. I have to spread peace in the war strewn cities of Iraq, where humans murder each other for matters as trivial as the colours of their guns. Its upto me to make sure the Saudis strike oil, so that they can make some good of the desert that I bequethed to them. All in all, Im kept busy with over 200 nations and more people than I can keep count of.

If you’re wondering what this job is like, its quite simple. I can never really sleep for one, so my account of my job can never begin with a “In the morning…”; lack of sleep doesnt hurt me too much, for my intake of the finest nectar keeps me in great health. However, since you can never imagine anything is so fluid a time frame, I will describe to you an average 24 hour period. After a shot of nectar, I ask my assistants to update me on any pending natural disasters in the coming 24 hour period, which includes the extent of the disaster, and any deaths that may be pertinent to the same. Mind you, this involves a lot of research on their part, since they have to carefully time the disaster; though once in a while some punk doctor comes by who stands in my way with his shiny scalpel.
I then need to assess the list of prayer requests that come through… Now this is the part that takes up so much time in the day. Kids come up with requests for a new doll or a new Transformers toy; but its the adults who come up with the requests that are hardest to get to. For one, every adult wishes something that contradicts what another human wants, so in effect, if I grant one wish, another one is broken by default. To add to that, is the fact that it is the adults who come up with the most childish requests. I mean can u imagine a 25 year old wishing that his car needs to be “boosted”, his 40 year old father wishing that his son would stop worrying him, and the lady of the house wishing that both men would be gone from her life. And this is only one case. One Mr. Bin Laden has been pressing for a wish that he would have the power to destroy the world. Another tonne of Americans are praying that this same Laden would be killed in an ambush. While I have at least heard of these ppl, there are other teenagers in every part of the world wishing that they can become the next American Idol, or the next teen sensation. Every kid who picks up a tennis racquet wants to become a pro at 17, a la Rafael Nadal. Now, u can imagine how many requests I recieve in a day. These are sorted on prority, by a seperate set of angels, whose job is to stay in touch with worldly affairs in order to be able to categorise the wishes as Trivial, and Serious. The serious wishes are then sorted in order of time, and urgency, and obviously motive. Then I decide which ones I can grant, and be done with that set. From the trivial set, my assistants randomly select a few, and they are called miracles by u earthly folk.
The next part of my day, which is a very little now, goes into the population monitoring. My expert mathematicians have devised loads of devices which calculate the exact time that every human, including u, has lived, divided into fruitful and wasteful hours. Time gets added to ur lifeline when u indulge in more fruitful tasks of an angelic nature, and ur lifeline gets shorter when u get more devilish. This department is in constant touch with the natural disaster department, just in case a huge number of ppl in the same area are nearing the end of their lifelines. It is this very department where the time and manner of death of every person is calculated to the millisecond. It is also this very place where we handle births as well, again to be timed with ur human 9 month requirements. And to top it all, we need to time the exact time where the dead soul can find its way to a new body. In the rare account that we mistime this event, u humans end up with ghosts and we have a new logistics problem on our head, since that spirit is a very irritating peace of matter, over which none of us have too much control.
By the time I finish this, my 24 hours are nearly up, so I get around to surveying my abode and chatting with the angels and the assistants. In this time, I approve leave sanctions, in case some angels need to go home on earth to pay a visit to their families; and some new arrivals need to be fitted in as well. With all this done, I get down to my cup of nectar for the day, and look to getting back to work.
In case u r curious, u might wanna know that u have more than 8673 days 18 hrs 46 mins 35 secs 789 msecs of time left of earth. U might wanna get down to some angelic business soon enough if u wanna add on to that.

As for ur wishlist, it has been appended to my 350,889,867,879,656,703 requests and is being sorted as u read this letter. And as for ne more queries on the situation here in heaven, u r welcome to visit our official website http://www.thouhasbeenblessed.com, and u can send in any wish-specific requests to OhIwish@requests.godatwork.hv.

P.S. If u still think your work is hectic, try picturing my job. And dont bother with the trivial
requests… u know how they end up. So happy blogging and happy praying to u. May the
Force be with U. [That Star Wars line is being planned as my new campaign punch line..] U wanna comment on that??

Letter to God


Dear God,
Ur email id wasnt available and homepage wasnt loading…so I thot I’d blog u instead. I mean, since u r available on cyberspace, Im sure u can chk most blogs tht are at least related to u…
I want to get straight to the point. I’ve had a really boring summer with nothing to do and nothing to get my mind off…so its a miracle I dint write to u earlier. Theres my wish list u really need to consider, and I’ll bullet it, so u can tick it off. U can go in ne order u like, tho I’d really like de CAT problem to get solved first…
– Ya the CAT problem. Rumours of our univ exams ending on 18th and CAT on 19th doesnt sound good. Pls do sumthing abt tht…I mean u can rht??
– My univ project. Yeah thts definitely a problem more nearer on the timeline. Its got to be submitted somwhere in Spetember, but I dnt understand y they want a soft copy (word doc on a CD…) now. U really hv to mail me sum matter I can add, considering u r GOD and u knw everything…( contacts for the same are also welcum, since u knw every1 as well…)
– My assignments are all clashing. U r GOD, so just mash some memories up and try sorting tht out pls…
– My presentations need new templates, so in case u hv ne new templates I cud use…mail them accross.
– Im out of pocket money to shop and I really need a few more T-shirts…so arrange something wid my Dad or my Mom, or ne distant relative, or get a new festival somewhere, or just gift me a Debit Card frm sumwhere… (and the bill…Im sure being GOD, u can handle the payment problem too…)
– The trains are never on time. And thts after an abyssmal frequency tht already troubles me. Imagine Western Railway gets a train every 5 mins and I onli get one in every 15 mins!!! (i mean u knw tht…so Im just emphasising). I dnt knw if U can officially order some change thr…but try watever u can do..
– The auto fare….its outrageously high!!!I mean sitting up there, do u commute on free chariots or wat!!! How can we, the common ppl, travel with such prices. Send over some chariots with drivers, if u cud spare them, or plssssss reduce those prices.
– I have a major problem with the rains…I mean they come and go whenever U (as in GOD) want and they keep interrupting the whole schedule here on Earth. Put up those kinda important reminders on ur website (or just set up ur own blog…) so we ppl on Planet Earth are at least forewarned. Same goes with excessive summer or chilly winters…and citywise updates are most welcome (in case I happen to travel, I can surely plan…)

Thats a long list for now…so hopefully u knw it already (as u r GOD), and u’ll already have solutions. So kickstart solutions and I’ll update my wishlist later…

Keep blogging God,
Me (the Devil…not literally ok)